The Glorious Kobold Empire rises again!

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Re: The Glorious Kobold Empire rises again!

Postby Vandervecken on Tue 13 Aug 2013 14:30

If he is, it would be like Firefly, eh?

But I Believe he is playing in a many system game. The 2nd Gen kobolds gets their extra information from a telephone on a tree on a hill. Right next to a time-clock. Beware, 'Long Distance' charges are a bee-hatch. Take collect calls at your own risk.
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Re: The Glorious Kobold Empire rises again!

Postby aethelred on Tue 13 Aug 2013 17:49

Scc, The Second Kobold Empire is in a 1000 system universe.

Vander, the tree phone is top secret! It can only be spoken of under the cone of silence! :lol:

So far nine systems have been explored. The Kobold explorers have found two benign worlds, but with poor mineral content.
To the greater glory of the Second Kobold Empire we have begun to infest, ah, make that colonize these systems.
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Re: The Glorious Kobold Empire rises again!

Postby aethelred on Tue 13 Aug 2013 23:10

Turn 8 and third round of system exploration.
Commander's report from a first contact mission with a preindustrial civilization:

We landed as directed and fortified a defensible position as ordered. Shortly thereafter, a party of giants (native population) came to us asking if we had some kind of grail. Since we did not want the natives to know we did not know what a "grail" was we told them that we already had one and it was very nice.
The natives asked if they could see it and things started to look hostile. So we set up the new modern ACME artillery. A huge contrivance of levers and counter weights. We then loaded what the natives use for livestock into the ACME contraption and the beast was promptly flung toward the enemy. The flying beast flattened one of the giants in a single hit!
Glorious!
Our infantry then sallied fourth as the enemy screamed "Run Away!"
We captured, killed and ate the enemy minstrels and there was much rejoicing 8-)
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Re: The Glorious Kobold Empire rises again!

Postby Vandervecken on Wed 14 Aug 2013 00:33

<Cue music sounding very similar to old Soviet War Anthems>

From before the dawn of time … Kobolds have looked up to the skies and wished that their meals couldn’t just fly away.
Then we invented watches.

But our desire to soar had already taken seed.
So, from our glorious fabled Keep on Kher Ridge, our first pilots set forth to defy gravity, if only for a short time.

Instructor #1 “Did trainee #391 learn to FLY?
Instructor #2 “Does bouncing count?
Instructor #1 “Ummmm, yes?”
Instructor #2 “Then we will award him his ‘Pilot’s Wings’, posthumously.”

To the Present.

Instructor #1 “Did the Astronaut trainee land safely?”
Instructor #2 “He missed us by at least 200 feet, we’re safe”
Instructor #1 “Then award him his Space Pilot’s Wings’, posthumously.”

But the needs of our Glorious Kobold Empire continue to grow. Do YOU have the desire to get away from your Nagging wife and that brood of parasites that she calls children. Then come to a Recruiting Center near you. We’ll probably kill you, but it’s a better life than back home.

This message was brought to you by ACME pharmaceuticals. “That deep, tingling sensation means you might have a law-suit against us”. Makers of Plutonium Nyborg – A drug for the Pilot who wants to insure he gets HIGH.
Last edited by Vandervecken on Wed 14 Aug 2013 11:34, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: The Glorious Kobold Empire rises again!

Postby aethelred on Wed 14 Aug 2013 08:30

Excellent Vander! :lol:
Congratulations you are the new recruiting officer for the glorious Second Kobold Empire!
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Re: The Glorious Kobold Empire rises again!

Postby aethelred on Wed 14 Aug 2013 09:47

Commander's report, first contact mission with ind2 civ:

This species calls themselves Terrans. They are lead by a creature calling itself "The Brain" and it's assistant "Pinky".
"The Brain" claims to have recently taken over the world and now wishes to extend his reach. The terrans think themselves warlike, I suggest we accommodate them. The glorious Second Kobold Empire could always use some more slaves!
By the way our translators got stuck on one word. What does "Narf" mean?
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Re: The Glorious Kobold Empire rises again!

Postby AlexeiTimoshenko on Wed 14 Aug 2013 17:35

aethelred wrote:So we set up the new modern ACME artillery. A huge contrivance of levers and counter weights.


That was last year's model. The new improved easy to use version utilizes ACME's patented extra large elastic launch system. It can also be used with our form fitting bat suit for pilot training.
Charles Rosenberg.

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Re: The Glorious Kobold Empire rises again!

Postby aethelred on Wed 14 Aug 2013 19:24

AlexeiTimoshenko wrote:
aethelred wrote:So we set up the new modern ACME artillery. A huge contrivance of levers and counter weights.


That was last year's model. The new improved easy to use version utilizes ACME's patented extra large elastic launch system. It can also be used with our form fitting bat suit for pilot training.


Excellent!
Gonna need about 100 of those for gunboat pilot training!
(and for the penal colonies! :twisted: )
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Re: The Glorious Kobold Empire rises again!

Postby aethelred on Wed 14 Aug 2013 19:40

Turn 10:
F Troop, captain Parmenter commanding, has been dispatched to deal with Pinky and the Brain.
F Troop consist of:
6 Ct's SSAAQJJJFJ 8/3
2 DD's SSSSAAAAQYJJJPQJJJPtJ 7/4
1 CL SSSSSAAAAAQYQJJJJJ(CIC)PtPtJJQJJ 6/4
1 CL SSSSAAAQQJJJJJPtJPtJPtJYQPtJ 6/4
plus 100 pcf's in transports.

Intelligence indicates the Pinky and the Brain have the following:
5 EX's AQCGC 6/2
5 ES's AAAQCGGC 6/2
5 CT's AAYQCRMgCRC 6/2
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Re: The Glorious Kobold Empire rises again!

Postby aethelred on Wed 14 Aug 2013 20:00

Turn 11:
F troop enters the enemy system and catches the terrans by suprise!
Before they can react Cpt Parmenter lands troops on the surface and the slaughter among the natives is tremendous!
Then on the first night our glorious troops receive this message:
Brain to Cpt Parmenter: "Youhoo! Over here!"
Cpt Parmenter and his officers take off their sunglasses and survey the battle field. There are thousands of dead kobolds wearing the colors of the Von Schtupp clan! It's a remnant of the first not so glorious Kobold Empire! :o

D'oh!

Orders are given, troops re-embarked and the warships turn to fight the terrans!
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